Forgetting
by daynaa
Summary: CJToby. Set somewhere in seasons 2 or 3. Mentions SamAinsley. Slightly OOC, not really relating to any particular plot line in the show.


A/N: So, one day, I decided that I was going to watch the West Wing. I'd never seen an episode before in my life haha, and I went out and bought season two, and I fell in love. I now own seasons two and three, so that is all I know of the show. So anything past them doesn't exist in my land of West Wing.

It's CJ/Toby with a mention of Sam/Ainsley.

Probably a little OOC.

//\\

"Why did you start to write?" He looked up, surprised by the question. She stood, nearly at her full height, leaning slightly on the doorframe. He had to think about it. That's what he loved about her. It was never easy or straightforward. He could make it so, but she always demanded more.

"Why did I start to write..." He repeated the question thoughtfully. She stood there watching him think. She loved watching him think. It was just one of those things. Like how she would go down to the beach and watch the sun set when she lived in California. There were no beaches like that in Washington, but there was Toby. And she loved watching him think. Loved watching him write, on the rare occasion when he'd let her. Loved his understated way of taking control. She loved so much about him.

"I suppose that's like asking you why you do what you do."

"But I asked you first." She pouted in a childish manner that only they could evoke in each other. One more thing she loved.

"Have you ever wanted to inspire someone?"

"Yes." She answered without hesitation.

"What easier way to do it than with words? What other way? It's been second nature ever since I can remember." And that's what she loved most about him. How honest he was. How sincere. And the only way she could describe him was Toby. Toby. Who she'd known for what seemed like forever, whom she'd watched get married, and divorced. Who she watched break and who she put back together. Toby, who somewhere along that path extending for over twenty years she'd fallen in love with. But bad things happen when you fall in love with your best friend, she'd learned that when she was seventeen. And yet, she'd let it happen again. He was Toby, and she was CJ, and they knew all of the sordid details of each other's lives. The past, mostly the past, but the present too. And then there were nights when they got really drunk and really honest, what they wanted from the future. Bartlet could only be President for so long. She couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it had happened. One day, she was just listening to him talk to her about whatever he was talking about, trouble with Andi, frustration with Sam, the State of the Union… but he was talking to her. Here was this accomplished, handsome man, and he was confiding in her. She confided in him. When stated that simply, she had to wonder why things never worked out. The trust was there, the honesty was there… they had a connection, and she knew he had to feel something too. Something.

"Hey Toby do you have that… oh, CJ, am I interrupting something?" Sam asked, as he entered the room in a rush.

"No, go right ahead." CJ smiled.

"Right okay…" Sam nodded then remembered why he'd come into the office in the first place, and CJ left them to their discussion.

//\\

"Stupid coffee." CJ muttered as she slammed her office door shut. She quickly stripped off the hot, coffee stained shirt and then began to look for wherever it was she had put a change of clothing.

"CJ," Toby called from just outside her office. Great.

"Just a second," She called back. The door swung open.

"CJ…" Toby trailed off. It took him a second to find where CJ was standing in her office, and then another second to realize she was definitely not wearing a shirt. CJ groaned, out of frustration for not being able to find a new shirt, and also, just a little out of embarrassment. There were certain boundaries that she and Toby had carefully danced around for years. Yes, once when they were really, _really _drunk there had been a kiss… but it was quickly decided that they would forget that. Only this situation was reminding CJ of that feeling, that memory of a kiss she was never quite able to forget.

"Well aren't you going to say something?" She demanded. Toby was quiet for a second. Under normal circumstances, she would have been proud to have left Toby speechless, but given the slightly awkward situation, she figured it was better to keep those comments to herself.

"…You have nice breasts?" He chuckled nervously. CJ blushed.

"Well, I was actually asking why you barged in here in the first place… but thank you." She smiled, and now it was his turn to blush.

"I…" He trailed off, his eyes not quite able to veer themselves away from her chest.

"Toby." She snapped.

"Right, sorry." He adverted his eyes to her face and glued them there nervously. "I just wanted to tell you that the President is going to make a statement about the thing tomorrow afternoon."

"Leo told me." CJ nodded, going back to searching for the shirt.

"May I ask why you're not wearing a shirt?" He asked after a moment of watching her search.

"An intern spilled coffee."

"On your shirt."

"Yes. I'm just glad I don't have another press briefing scheduled for today."

"Me too." Toby smirked.

"Are you just going to stand there and make fun of me? Or are you going to help me look for my shirt?" CJ demanded.

"I'll help." He offered, part grateful and part wishing she'd asked him to leave. Because being in a room with his best friend, his _attractive _best friend while she was not wearing a shirt wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world for him, though she seemed to not be fazed by it. But then again, maybe she didn't feel the same way that he did. There were times when he as sure she did, and others, times like these, where he doubted it.

"CJ!" Sam called as he pulled the door open and strode into the room.

"Sam it isn't a good…" CJ started but he was already in the room, his mouth opening and shutting as if his mind had lost all control of it. "Time." She finished defeatedly, suddenly feeling self-conscious, half naked in a room with two men.

"Wow, okay, I'm sorry for… interrupting." Sam raised an eyebrow and turned to leave.

"Sam!" Toby and CJ shouted at the same time.

"God, please let me die." Sam pleaded under his breath as he looked at his two friends, a mixture of confusion, embarrassment and anger on their faces.

"It's not what it looks like." CJ tried to explain.

"Okay." Sam nodded, not wanting to say much out of fear.

"An intern spilled coffee all over CJ's shirt and she came to find a new one, and I walked into the office to tell her about the statement the President is making tomorrow and well, I found CJ without a shirt. And since I'm a nice guy, I am helping her look for it." Sam narrowed his eyes as he processed the information.

"I came to tell her about the same statement."

"And Leo before the both of you." CJ sighed. "If you knew how to communicate with each other, you wouldn't be standing here awkwardly while I am half naked in my office."

"This means you can stop teasing me about Ainsley." Sam decided he was in a good position to negotiate.

"Fine." CJ sighed. "But you're dating a girl who kicked your ass on national TV, and she's a Republican…"

"Do you want Josh to know about this?"

"Fine." CJ relented.

"Okay. Well, this meeting has worked out sufficiently well for me, I left with more than I came in for, so I'm going to go." Sam trailed off.

"Sam." Toby glared at the man, not liking the way his deputy was looking at CJ despite the fact that Toby knew Sam was in love with Ainsley. When did he become jealous and protective? And of CJ, nonetheless.

"Going," Sam smiled as he shut the door behind him on his way out.

"Geeze Toby, what's gotten into you?" CJ smiled teasingly as she continued to look for her shirt. "Aha!" She shouted before he could reply. She quickly pulled the t-shirt on and immediately felt more comfortable.

"Okay, well, I'm glad you found your shirt." Toby said as he walked towards the door.

"Where are you going?" CJ asked.

"Back to my office. You already knew what I came here to tell you, and now you've found your shirt…" He trailed off.

"If I tell you something right now, do you promise we can forget about as soon as you leave this room and everything can stay the way it is?" He nodded in agreement even though he wasn't happy with the way things were. And if they were having a moment of five-minute honesty followed by selective amnesia, he wanted to tell her how he felt. In fact, he suddenly had the urge to tell _everyone _how he felt about CJ Cregg, which was weird, because even after he'd been with Andrea for two years, he was never into public displays of attention, or drawing any attention to the fact that he was in love, if that was that had been.

"I'm good at forgetting things." He smiled comfortingly. But he really wasn't. Not when it came to her, especially. The last time they'd decided to forget something was the time that they kissed. He doubted she would even remember it because they'd both been so drunk, but he did, and they'd agreed that night to forget it ever happened. Only it was quite possibly his most visited memory.

"Okay." CJ sighed as if she was nervous. She couldn't be nervous. CJ Cregg did not get nervous. She was calm, and she handled things. Nervous was not on her emotional radar. Only now, looking into Toby's eyes, the racing of her heart was the most heightened sense in her body and she had butterflies in her stomach. He could tell that she was feeling uncomfortable by the way she was biting her lip, and covered her hand with his. "Okay. So I had this thought. And it's probably the craziest thought I've ever had. And I've had some crazy thoughts, you know. And I keep trying to deny it, or to get it out of my head, to get over it, and it just keeps coming back. It's one of those things that you get in your head and at every moment I'm afraid it's just going to spill out of my mouth. If I wasn't so used analyzing every single syllable that comes out of mouth, it might have."

"CJ,"

"Yes."

"Tell me your thought."

"Right. Okay." She swallowed. "I think that maybe I'm in love with you." Stunned silence. But he didn't take his hand away, so she figured that was a good sign.

"Toby?"

"Yes?"

"You're a speech writer. Say something inspirational, or reassuring. Or you know, just say _something._"

"I think," He began, "I think that between you and I, friendship was never what was intended. But things never timed out the way they should have. I was married to Andy, you were with… what's his name, I was in New Hampshire and you were in California… the fact that hundreds of miles never stopped us from being as close as two people can emotionally be was when I first realized that I loved you."

"Well that was something." CJ smiled, not sure of what else to say.

"And you know what?"

"What?"

"I've never been good at forgetting things."

"Me neither. Like that kiss."

"My most visited memory."

"I think we need to make more memories." And as they leaned in for their first, well, second kiss… the door once again flew open.

"Oh god. _Now _neither of you can tease me. Ever. And there's no way you can convince me that this isn't what I think it is."

"SAM." They shouted.

"Leave. Now." CJ told him as she pushed him towards the door. "And next time you come into my office, you'd better knock." Toby laughed as a startled Sam had the door closed in his face. "Now where were we…"

//\\

HAHA. My fanfictions always have THE most awkward endings. Because I really suck at ending stuff. But yes. That was my first try at a West Wing fanfiction!


End file.
